The Funeral

Let's see.....I was about 30 at the time... (I'm 40 now) ....my little sister was 27. Our dad died when I was 8, so most family events were with my mom's family. We have an uncle (dad's side) that we really like, but we don't get to see him too often because he retired to Mexico. Well, we heard that he was coming to Texas for a funeral. ONLY BECAUSE WE RARELY SEE HIM!!...we decided to go to the funeral. In hindsight, you probably shouldn't go to funerals of people you didn't know. ----------- We're still not sure how the seating happened. Maybe we overdressed. Maybe our "I don't know a single person here" deer-in-the-headlights look was misinterpreted as "it's obvious they're in deep grief and must be with the family".....(we hadn't seen Uncle Carl yet). My sister and I were led to a pew to sit down. We were thankful to be sitting, and we were humbled by the gorgeous stained-glass murals. We just stared. The details were too amazing for words. Well, people were filing in as our attention was diverted to recognizing bible stories in the murals. -------- Organ music started. A casket was wheeled in. It brought us back to reality. But not quick enough for a getaway. It just seemed inappropriate to leave while a casket is being opened. (yes...NOW we are worried about appropriateness)....We were on the 3rd row...staring at a dead man that we have never seen. --------- I am an easy-going girl with a great personality; humor has always been my friend. But there are times to laugh and times not to laugh. Something very bad and very inappropriate got switched in my head right then. It started as a small giggle. With the speed of light, I covered my mouth while my stomach lurched, and I suppressed it. All I could think was "OMG, we have GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE NOW!" ------ but then I made a bad bad mistake. I looked at my little sister. In the eyes. She has a good sense-of-humor, too. And she was trying to suppress her own giggle. ----- that didn't work.....................If you've ever watched an avalanche in real-life..........thoughts went flying through my head at rapid speed "funeral....dead man....who IS he?........sister.......giggling......do not look at her again no matter what............uncle..WHERE is HE???.......3rd row......people looking at us......giggles turning to laughter.....uncontrollable........loud....loud.....louder.........dear God please rescue me.......very inappropriate......beyond anything I've ever done in my life EVER.....my body is shaking so hard that I'm bumping into my sister's shaking body..." -------- This is a public confession: The only thing that seemed appropriate GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCE.....was to act like we were crying. Hysterically. In fits. Because that's what it looked like with our covered faces, muffled eruptions, shaking bodies...and sitting on the 3rd row. --------- It lasted about 20 minutes. I don't know who might ever read this, but you've never been that embarrassed. --- The family (the real ones who knew dead man) ----- they came straight over after the service to find out WHO these women were that knew dead-man so well that they were crying harder than them. It was all we could do to walk at that point. We covered our faces and avoided eye-contact as we walked out. -------- I wish I could tell you that it ends here.....but the limo driver insisted we weren't fit to drive to the cemetery in our condition.